Tales from the cirsper parodies/transcript

Original
(The screen then turns dark, before a white text reads "Big Idea Productions presents" appears, before another white text that reads "Tales from the Crisper" appears after that. The scene opens to a black-and-white scene in a mad scientist's lab. The scientist and his assistant are silhouetted.)

Mad Scientist's assistant: Master, it can't be done, I don't believe you can do it.

Mad Scientist: Well then stand back and behold as I throw the switch.

Mad Scientist's assistant: Oh my goodness.

Mad Scientist: It's alive, it's alive! Hahahahaha!

Mad Scientist's assistant: Look how big it is! I didn't realize it when it was lying down. It's standing up!

Mad Scientist: Speak!

Frankencelery: *groans*

Mad Scientist: Walk to me!

Mad Scientist's assistant: I'll get going.

Mad Scientist: No, this way! Hey Frankencelery, where are you going? (door bursts open)

Some random woman: (screams)

Mad Scientist: Hey come back here! No don't go near... (camera turns to Junior Asparagus but noises from T.V. are still playing)

Some random man: Oh no get away, get away get away... OUCH!!!

Mom Asparagus: Junior... it's time for bed.

Junior: J-Just four more minutes.

Mom Asparagus: That's what you said four minutes ago. Let's skedaddle up those stairs; your father will be up in a minute to tuck you in. (Junior goes to the stairs)

Mom Asparagus: Besides, I think this show might be a little too scary for you.

Junior: It's not too scary. I...I like it. Yeah...I'm n-not scared. (Junior looks at the family portrait and smiles. Portrait turn into mad monsters with bolts out of their necks. Juniors gets scared and runs up the stairs into his room. Camera cuts to Junior's bedroom. Junior begins to talk with noises starting to emerge.)

Junior: I'm not scared. It was just...monsters?! Around me? Big, growly monsters. (Bob and Larry jump in. Bob lands safely on the floor, Larry lands in the toy chest.)

Junior: Ahh! Who are you?

Bob: I'm Bob, I'm a tomato and I'm here to help you. (Larry begins to struggle his way out of the toy chest with loud banging noises with Junior worried)

Junior: There's something in my toy chest. It's a monster. It's a big scary lizard. It's a...it's a... (Larry pops out with a baby bonnet on his head)

Junior: Baby pickle?

Bob: Uh, he's a cucumber.

Junior: Oh.

Larry: Where is everybody

(Larry jumps out face first)

Bob: Over here Larry! Ahem... (ball rolls by Bob) We couldn't help but notice that you were just a little bit frighten so thought we drop in and help.

Larry: Yeah um, fear not for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be on to all people, for onto you... (Bob interrupts)

Bob: Ahem! Wrong story Larry

Larry: Oh sorry. (Larry gives his trademark smile at Bob)

Junior: Well I wasn't really scared you know, it was just a movie with a big...scary...monster! But I'm five years old so I can handle it.

Bob: Oh, so you weren't scared?

Junior: Nope, I wasn't scared. (Bob looks up at Larry)

Bob: He wasn't scared. (Larry looks down at Bob)

Larry: No, not scared a bit.

Junior: Well maybe just a little bit.

Bob: Oh, just a little bit scared?

Larry: Oh, a little bit.

Junior: But not too scared.

Bob & Larry: Oh well yeah huh huh.

Junior: Why, how can you guys help me. I mean if I was scared.

Bob: Oh we were just gonna sing you a little song that's all. But since you weren't even scared well then I guess we'll just be on our way.

(Junior gets a shocked face)

Larry: Yep see you later.

Junior: No wait! I guess a little song might be nice, well since you're in the neighborhood.

Bob: Well if you weren't scared then there's really no reason so I guess we'll just be going now.

(Junior gets angry)

Junior: (snarling) Sing the song!

Bob: Okay ahem, here it goes.

(Camera turns on Junior and the bedroom light goes off and a spotlight shines on Bob and Junior.)

Bob: You were lying in your bed. You were feeling kind of sleepy. But you couldn't close your eyes because the room was getting creepy. (Junior looks around the room)

Larry: Were those eyeballs in the closet?

(Three pairs of eyeballs pop out in Juniors closet.)

Larry: Was that Godzilla in the hall?

Bob: There is something big and hairy casting shadows on the wall.

(Junior turns around to find the shadow and to get scared.)

Bob: Now your heart is beating like a drum. Your skin is getting clammy.

(Camera turns to the door with three kinds of monsters to jump into the pajama chest.)

Bob: There's a hundred tiny monster jumping right into your jammies.

(The monsters are bouncing in front of Junior)

Bob: What are you going to do?

Junior: I’m going to call the police.

Bob: No, You don’t need to do anything.

Junior: What, why?

Bob: Because, (singing) God is bigger than that boogie man, He’s bigger than Godzilla or the Monsters on TV, oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man and He’s watching out for you and me. (song ends) Get it?

Junior: Um, well, hey, hum, um, no.

Bob: Oh, you see you don’t have to be afraid because God is the biggest.

Junior: What? Is He bigger than King Kong? Because Kong is a really big monkey and he’s kinda scary.

Bob: Next to God, Junior, King Kong would look like an itty bitty bug.

Junior: Really?

Bob: Umm Humph

Junior: Well is He bigger than the Slime Monster? Cause he’s the biggest monster of them all.

Larry: Compared to God, the Slime Monstor is like a teeny little Corn Flake.

Junior: But the Slime Monster can squirt slime out of his ears! Can God squirt slime out of His ears!?

Bob: Eh hemm. Come over here, Junior.

(All three bounce towards the window)

Bob: What do you see up there?

Junior: My curtains.

Bob: No, out the window, up in the sky?

Junior: I see lots of stars.

Larry: God made all of the stars out of nothing. He went just went SPPPPT and there they were.

Junior: No way!

Bob: That’s right, and he also made the sun and the moon and even the earth we’re living on right now.

Junior: Wow! Slime Monster couldn’t do that! Well even if he tried he would get everything really sticky.

Bob: But do you know what else God made?

Junior: What?

Larry: He made all the plants, and animals and people too!

Junior: Wow!

Bob: And that’s why we don’t have to be afraid.

Junior: Huh?

Bob: You see, everything God makes is very special to Him. He made all the little kids and he loves them very much. And because he loves them he takes extra good care of them. So we don’t need to be afraid because God is always looking out for us!

Junior: Oh, I get it. So you’re saying God’s the biggest of them all and He’s on my team!

Bob: That’s Right! Oh, by the way, there’s someone else who wants to meet you.

(Frankencelery descends from the ceiling)

Junior: Ahh! It’s Frankencelery!

(Junior hops into his toy chest.)

Frankencelery: Ah, Well, actually my name is Phil Winkelstein and I’m an actor from Teledo.

Junior: What?

Frankencelery: Well, I, I was just pretending to be Frankencelery in that TV show. Um, that was my job. Um really I’m just a regular guy, and I wouldn’t hurt anybody

Junior: oh, I get it! (singing) So when I’m lying in my bed… and the furniture starts creeping… I’ll just laugh and say “Hey cut that out!” And get back to my sleep cause I know that God’s the biggest and he’s watching all the while. So when I get scared and I’ll think of him and close my eyes and smile. (smiles)

All: God is bigger than that boogie man, He’s bigger than Godzilla or the Monsters on TV, oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man and He’s watching out for you and me.

Monster 1: So, are you frightened?

Junior: No, not really.

Monster 2: Are you worried?

Junior: Not a bit! I know whatever’s going to happen that God can handle it!

Frankencelery: I’m sorry that I scared you when you saw me on TV.

Junior: Well, that’s okay, Cause now I know that God is taking care of me.

All: God is bigger than that boogie man, He’s bigger than Godzilla or the Monsters on TV, oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man and He’s watching out for you and me.

Junior: One more Time!

All: God is bigger than that boogie man, He’s bigger than Godzilla or the Monsters on TV, oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man and He’s watching out for you and me. He’s watching out for you and …..Watching….Watching… Watching….

Junior: Out You for you and me. Yeah!

Dad: Junior, what’s all that racket in there?

Junior: Well I was just singing.

Dad: Well, your Mother and I think that show you were watching was a little too scary for you

Junior; Yeah, well, but maybe, but you know Frankencelery is just a guy named Phil from Teledo. Well and he’s not scary that all. And besides, God is bigger than any of them and even though he doesn’t squirt slime out of His ears He made the whole universe. And He’s taking good care of me too.

Dad: Um… Well… you’re right; we don’t have to worry about things because God is taking care of us. I do think we should be a little more careful about what we watch on Television. And you know what? It’s okay to tell us if you’re really scared.

Junior:  Ok. I guess you’re right.

Dad: It sounds like you’ve been doing some good thinking but it’s time to shut the thinker down now and get some sleep.

Junior: Okay

Dad: I love you little mister

Junior: I love you big mister.

Dad: I’ll see you in the morning

Junior: Alright

Junior: Singing: God is bigger than the (YAWN) boogie man. (Snoring).

(In the very old version, the credits appears.)

(Title card for the silly song fades in.)

Parody 1
(The screen then turns dark, before a white text reads "Big Idea Productions presents" appears, before another white text that reads "Tales from the Anchor" appears after that. The scene opens to a black-and-white scene in a mad scientist's lab. The scientist and his assistant are silhouetted.)

Mad Scientist's assistant: Master, it can't be done, I don't believe you can do it.

Mad Scientist: Well then stand back and behold as I throw the switch.

Mad Scientist's assistant: Oh my goodness.

Mad Scientist: It's alive, it's alive! Hahahahaha!

Mad Scientist's assistant: Look how big it is! I didn't realize it when it was lying down. It's standing up!

Mad Scientist: Speak!

Frankenbrocoli: *groans*

Mad Scientist: Walk to me!

Mad Scientist's assistant: I'll get going.

Mad Scientist: No, this way! Hey Frankebrocoli, where are you going? (door bursts open)

Some random woman: (screams)

Mad Scientist: Hey come back here! No don't go near... (camera turns to Junior Asparagus but noises from T.V. are still playing)

Some random man: Oh no get away, get away get away... OUCH!!!

Mom Asparagus: Junior... it's time for bed.

Junior: J-Just four more minutes.

Mom Asparagus: That's what you said four minutes ago. Let's skedaddle up those stairs; your father will be up in a minute to tuck you in. (Junior goes to the stairs)

Mom Asparagus: Besides, I think this show might be a little too dreamy for you.

Junior: It's not too dreamy. I...I like it. Yeah...I'm n-not dreamy. (Bob the tomato looks at the larry the cucumber portrait and smiles. Portrait turn into happy tinys with bolts out of their necks. Juniors gets scared and runs up the stairs into his room. Camera cuts to Junior's bedroom. Junior begins to talk with noises starting to emerge.)

Junior: I'm not dreamy. It was just...tinys?! Around me? Big, growly tinys. (Bob and Larry jump in. Bob lands safely on the floor, Larry lands in the toy chest.)

Junior: Ahh! Who are you?

Bob: I'm Bob, I'm a tomato and I'm here to help you. (Larry begins to struggle his way out of the toy chest with loud banging noises with Junior worried)

Junior: There's something in my toy chest. It's a tiny. It's a big scary lizard. It's a...it's a... (Larry pops out with a baby bonnet on his head)

Junior: Baby pickle?

Bob: Uh, he's a cucumber.

Junior: Oh.

Larry: Where is everybody

(Larry jumps out face first)

Bob: Over here Larry! Ahem... (ball rolls by Bob) We couldn't help but notice that you were just a little bit frighten so thought we drop in and help.

Larry: Yeah um, fear not for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy which shall be on to all people, for onto you... (Bob interrupts)

Bob: Ahem! Wrong story Larry

Larry: Oh sorry. (Larry gives his trademark smile at Bob)

Junior: Well I wasn't really scared you know, it was just a movie with a big...dreamy...tiny! But I'm five years old so I can handle it.

Bob: Oh, so you weren't dreamed?

Junior: Nope, I wasn't scared. (Bob looks up at Larry)

Bob: He wasn't scared. (Larry looks down at Bob)

Larry: No, not scared a bit.

Junior: Well maybe just a little bit.

Bob: Oh, just a little bit scared?

Larry: Oh, a little bit.

Junior: But not too scared.

Bob & Larry: Oh well yeah huh huh.

Junior: Why, how can you guys help me. I mean if I was scared.

Bob: Oh we were just gonna sing you a little song that's all. But since you weren't even scared well then I guess we'll just be on our way.

(Junior gets a shocked face)

Larry: Yep see you later.

Junior: No wait! I guess a little song might be nice, well since you're in the neighborhood.

Bob: Well if you weren't scared then there's really no reason so I guess we'll just be going now.

(Junior gets angry)

Junior: (snarling) Sing the song!

Bob: Okay ahem, here it goes.

(Camera turns on Junior and the bedroom light goes off and a spotlight shines on Bob and Junior.)

Bob: ''You were lying in your bed. You were feeling kind of sleepy. But you couldn't close your eyes because the room was getting creepy.'' (Junior looks around the room)

Bob: You were lying in your bed, you were feeling kind of sleepy, but you couldn't shut your eyes because the room was going pee pee.

Larry: Were those bunnies in the closet?

Bob: (voiceover) What so scary about that?

Larry: (voiceover) Was that just Daniel in the hall?

Bob: There is Leopold Stokowski casting shadows on a wall. Now your heart is beating like a drum, your skin is very clammy. There's a hundred little "Tiny's" jumping right into your jammies. What are you gonna do.

Junior: 'Where Is The Bathroom?"

Bob: No, The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything.

Junior: What, why? No, Bathroom

Bob: Because, (singing) God is bigger than that boogie man, He’s bigger than Just Daniel or the Tinys on TV, oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man and He’s watching out for U and Mii.(song ends) Get it?

Junior: Um, well, hey, hum, um, no.

Bob: Oh, you see you don’t have to be afraid because God is the biggest.

Junior: What? Is He bigger than King Kong? Because Kong is a really big monkey and he’s kinda dreamy.

Bob: Next to God, Junior, King Kong would look like an itty bitty bug.

Junior: Really?

Bob: Umm Humph

Junior: Well is He bigger than the Slime Tinys? Cause he’s the biggest tiny of them all.

Larry: Compared to God, the Slime Tinye is like a teeny little Corn Flake.

Junior: But the Slime Tiny can squirt slime out of his ears! Can God squirt slime out of His ears!?

Bob: Eh hemm. Come over here, Junior.

(All three bounce towards the window)

Bob: What do you see up there?

Junior: My curtains.

Bob: No, out the window, up in the sky?

Junior: I see lots of stars.

Larry: God made all of the stars out of nothing. He went just went SPPPPT and there they were.

Junior: No way!

Bob: That’s right, and he also made the sun and the moon and even the earth we’re living on right now.

Junior: Wow! Slime Monster couldn’t do that! Well even if he tried he would get everything really sticky.

Bob: But do you know what else God made?

Junior: What?

Larry: He made all the plants, and animals and people too!

Junior: Wow!

Bob: And that’s why we don’t have to be afraid.

Junior: Huh?

Bob: You see, everything God makes is very special to Him. He made all the little kids and he loves them very much. And because he loves them he takes extra good care of them. So we don’t need to be afraid because God is always looking out for us!

Junior: Oh, I get it. So you’re saying God’s the biggest of them all and He’s on my team!

Bob: That’s Right! Oh, by the way, there’s someone else who wants to meet you.

(Frankenborcoli descends from the ceiling)

Junior: Ahh! It’s Frankenbrocoli!

(Junior hops into his toy chest.)

Frankenbrocoli: Ah, Well, actually my name is Phil Winkelstein and I’m an actor from Teledo.

Junior: What?

Frankenbrocoli: Well, I, I was just pretending to be Frankenbrocoli in that TV show. Um, that was my job. Um really I’m just a regular guy, and I wouldn’t hurt anybody

Junior: oh, I get it! (singing) ''So when I’m lying in my bed… and the furniture starts pee ping… I’ll just laugh and say “Hey rope that in!” And get back to my sleep cause I know that God’s the biggest and he’s watching all the while. So when I get scared and I’ll think of him and open my eyes and smile.'' (smiles)

All: God is bigger than that boogie man, He’s bigger than Just Daniel or the Tinys on TV, oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man and He’s watching out for U and Mii

Tiny 1: So, are you frightened?

Junior: No, not really.

Tiny 2: Are you worried?

Junior: ''Not a bit! I know whatever’s going to happen that God can handle it!''

Frankenbrocoli: I’m sorry that I dream you when you saw me on TV.

Junior: Well, that’s okay, Cause now I know that God is taking bear of Mii.

All: God is bigger than that boogie man, He’s bigger than Just Daniel or the Tinys on TV, oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man and He’s watching out for U and MII

Junior: One more Time!

All: ''God is bigger than that boogie man, He’s bigger than Just Daniel or the Tinys on TV, oh, God is bigger than the Boogie Man and He’s watching out for U and Mii. He’s watching out for U and Mii ''

Tinys: Watching….Watching… Watching….

Junior: ''Out You for U and Mii. Yeah!''

Dad: Junior, what’s all that racket in there?

Junior: Well I was just singing.

Dad: Well, your Mother and I think that show you were watching was a little too dreamy for you

Junior; Yeah, well, but maybe, but you know Frankencelery is just a guy named Phil from Teledo. Well and he’s not dreamy that all. And besides, God is bigger than any of them and even though he doesn’t squirt slime out of His ears He made the whole universe. And He’s taking good care of me too.

Dad: Um… Well… you’re right; we don’t have to worry about things because God is taking care of us. I do think we should be a little more careful about what we watch on Television. And you know what? It’s okay to tell us if you’re really dreamy.

Junior:  Ok. I guess you’re right.

Dad: It sounds like you’ve been doing some good thinking but it’s time to shut the thinker down now and get some sleep.

Junior: Okay

Dad: I love you little nickel

Junior: I love you big nickel.

Dad: I’ll see you in the morning

Junior: Alright

Junior: Singing: God is bigger than the (YAWN) boogie man. (Snoring).

(In the very new version, the credits appears.)